Finding comfort in my skin

I posted a photo on Instagram last night. I was feeling pretty good about the fact that a pair of shorts I've had for years had to be donated because they didn't fit. They were huge. I took a photo in the style of those weight loss ads. "then vs now" 

I felt good. I was proud. I posted it.

All day long I have felt anxious about it being up there. I have been embarrassed and felt like I shouldn't have posted it.

The photo only got 5 "likes" all but one of which were from strangers. This did not help my anxiety or self esteem. Sure, the time of the post could have had something to do with it. The day of the week. Whatever. But in my head it's because I am fat/ugly/scarred/ and just unpleasant to look at. No one "favorites" "likes" or "double taps" the ugly, fat, scarred chick. 

When I got home I contemplated deleting the image. I had every intention of doing so. Then I saw an image of someone larger than me doing almost the exact same thing as me. You know what? I double tapped that photo so fast my thumb almost blistered. I was so proud of her! She looked amazing. I got sad and hoped that she didn't look at herself the way I look at MYself. I hope she sees the progress, the determination, the hope, and the beauty that I see when I look at her photo. 

Then I realized that maybe she (or someone like her) was thinking the same thing about me. Even if just one of those 5 people who took the time to "like" my photo felt that way... What would it mean if I took it down?

So I left it up. For the world to see. For the world to judge. It's there. The before photo was from 2011 but the shorts for last summer. They were a size 11. I said goodbye to them yesterday. Today I said goodbye to the fear.

Follow me on Instagram @ladyhill to see the photo.

I Run for the Bling (and charity) - Virtual Races

People ask me why I run. It's a very simple answer.
BLING.
I love shiny things. I love medals. I know that I could just buy myself some medals and be done but it's not the same. I want the glory that goes along with the bling.

The problem is that it gets expensive to register for all of these races and then travel to them. I also can't request all of these weekends off from work. That's when an amazing thing happened. Someone told me about Virtual Races.

I was hooked.

A virtual race is a "race" that you get to run on your own time, at your own location. Sometimes there are specific dates or a date range that gives you time to finish it, but all of the ones I have done allow you to finish using your own goals.
The distance for the race can vary. Some are 5k, 10k, 13.1 miles or 26.2 miles. Some don't have a set distance. Some you pick your distance when you sign up, others you don't have to tell them anything.

Cost for virtual races can vary significantly. I only sign up for the ones with medals. I pick and choose based on two criteria.
#1 - the medal design. It has to be awesome. Has to be something that I wouldn't get if I signed up for a local race.

#2 - the charity. Yes, you read that right, the charity. A LOT of virtual races are started as a way to raise money for charities. I've signed up for a few that were organized by individuals trying to raise the money for their charity sponsorship of a "real" race they were doing. I've also signed up for a few that just take part of the proceeds and donate them to a charity that I care about like the American Cancer Society, Ronald McDonald House, or Make a Wish Foundation.

I recently signed up for a super cool race series by donating to Saint Jude's Children's Hospital in honor of someone who is signed up as a charity racer for them. Are you ready to see the medals I will be receiving? I don't think you're ready...
It's the Frozen for Cures Virtual Race Series. By signing up for the full series I got a bonus medal. I am SO excited about this. You can sign up by visiting THIS LINK. It's for a great cause.

The organizer of this series has another series going as well. I know there are a lot of you who will appreciate this one. It's the Magical Friendship Virtual Race Series. You can register HERE and you'll get these amazing medals. Look how they all connect when you register for the full series!

I have signed up for several other virtual races and I will post photos and links for them once I've completed my goal distance for each.
I have found that signing up for virtual runs helps me get motivated for my training for my "actual" races that I have coming up.

Do you run for bling? What's your favorite medal in your collection?

It's got to burn SOME calories, right??

I have been struggling to hit the pavement lately. The "Lazy" is really starting to show again. I've even gone so far as to get dressed, lace up, and then sat on the couch for 3 hours. 

That stops now. I had a bad week. I will not beat myself up over it. I will forgive myself and I will move on. 

How do you get yourself motivated to work out/run when you're feeling down or tired or just not in the mood? 

Friday 5 - Why I Run Edition

I used to do a fun thing here where every Friday I would pick a new topic and post 5 things that relate to it. It was always one of my favorite posts to do and I had a lot of fun doing it so I'm bringing it back.

5 Reasons That I Run:

1. - Something is chasing me. Zombies are scary, if you can outrun them, do it. Do NOT try to be a
hero.

2. - I did something or broke something I shouldn't have. I am basically a 5 year old trapped in a 31 year old's body. If I think I'm going to get yelled at, I will likely run far far away.

3. - I'm playing with Jazzy. We have a fun game where I hide behind something and she comes looking for me and when she finds me I chase her around the apartment. She loves it. I usually laugh hysterically the whole time. This is us after I caught her while playing a round, she's a little out of breathe.

4. - I'm trying to prove to everyone, but mostly myself, that I CAN run. I want to prove that no matter what others may think about my strength or endurance, that if I believe I can do it, I will do it.

5. - The Glory. The Bling. The Bragging Rights. I run for medals, I run to show off something that other people don't have because they were not as determined, or crazy as I was. I mean, seriously, check out this bling, don't you wish you had gotten off your couch that day and ran that race and earned this medal?

So tell me, why do YOU run?

Transformation Tuesday and a Reintroduction

I find myself staring at these photos when I'm having a rough day. I look at the photo on the left, and I don't even recognize myself. I don't know how I got to that point. Medication, depression, poor eating habits and living in a state of chronic pain just all caught up with me.
Originally this blog was about becoming a better home keeper.  I've decided it's now time to make it about becoming a better ME.  Thank you for joining me on this journey. 

Crushing It

Today I took another step away from "lazy" and a giant leap towards being the "lady" I want to be.

I signed up for my very first half marathon! 

I am so excited. I am also nervous and nauseous.

13.1 miles around Long Island does NOT sound like a good time to me. I don't think it's a race that I will have fun doing. It's not like the runDisney events. 

So in order to motivate myself I signed up for a themed race. It's the Run Like a Diva event.

They will be giving out pink boas and tiaras and when you cross the finish like a "buff" man gives you the medal. They also hand out champagne and roses at the finish line. Now THAT sounds like fun. 

I will be documenting my training on Instagram and twitter using the hashtag #SeeKerriRun 

Twitter = @ladynwonderland 

Instagram = LadyHill 

Follow along and cheer me on during this amazing process :)

I did it!

I went from being lazy to being a lady with a race medal!

This month I accomplished something that no one, including myself, ever thought I would let alone could do.

I ran. In a race. I finished. I didn't even come in last. The craziest part? I enjoyed it so much that I plan on doing more races and running further! 

What made it even more amazing to me was that I completed the race exactly 1 week after being released from the hospital. I have been sick. Not "omg I'm dying" sick, but sick enough that I have been having blood tests, ultra sounds, cat scans, and more invasive tests since September. I spent New Year's Eve and New Year's Day (as well as some time before and after) in the hospital.

Crossing that finish line was such an incredible feeling. There are no words that I know that can accurately describe it. The moment after I crossed the finish line and was handed my finisher's medal I became so overwhelmed with emotion that I cried. 

I want to thank all of you who have accompanied me on this journey. Thank you for the support, for the laughs, for everything. I hope you will continue on with me because I'm still lazy, and this lady still has a long way to go.