This year several people I know lost their fathers to battles with cancer. Several friends and family lost their fathers to other causes throughout the year and many more in the years before this one. With so many poeple being without their father today, I was left with a feeling of sadness and an unwillingness to flaunt my fabulous father in their faces.
I did not want to put anything about Father’s Day in my facebook status, or on my twitter, I did not wish a general happy father’s day in my AIM away message, nor did I blog about it in my livejournal. I did not want to make the day any harder for those that were already having a hard day.
As the day went on however, I started feeling guilty. I felt like I was neglecting my dad by not telling the world how wonderful he is. I was standing in Walmart reading some Father’s Day cards when I just started to cry.
The truth is, I wasn’t avoiding talking about Father’s Day because I didn’t want to hurt anyone else, at least that wasn’t my entire motive, I didn’t want to talk about it, because it reminded me of my loved ones who did not have a father to celebrate with, and I became extremely anxious, sad, and frightened.
You see… I cannot fathom a world without my daddy in it. Typing that sentance alone has reduced me to tears.
He is my first love. My first experience with unconditional, unbridled affection. His strength has seen me through the darkest of times. Through break ups, sunburns, skinned knees, the death of loved ones, the loss of a treasured stuffed animal, the death of the family pet. He is my rock, my inspiration, he is always ready with a cup of tea. He is the reason I had faith that someone like William existed for me.
It would be wrong of me to ignore how important he is, to hide from how much I love him for fear of hurting others, for fear in general.
We must live for the moment, celebrate life while we have it, embrace every second before it’s too late.
So…
This is me and my daddy at my wedding.
And these are the lyrics to the song we danced to at my wedding. I sobbed through the whole thing.
I Loved Her First lyrics
Look at the two of you dancing that way
Lost in the moment and each others face
So much in love you’re alone in this place
Like there’s nobody else in the world
I was enough for her not long ago
I was her number one
She told me so
And she still means the world to me
Just so you know
So be careful when you hold my girl
Time changes everything
Life must go on
And I’m not gonna stand in your way
But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But it’s still hard to give her away
I loved her first
How could that beautiful woman with you
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights
And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time
But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she’d find you someday
But it’s still hard to give her away
I loved her first
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
Someday you might know what I’m going through
When a miracle smiles up at you
I loved her first
