My nephew Brady's birthday party today. It was fabulous and I ate way too much delicious food. My sister in law makes the most amazing home made mac & cheese. I promise to get the recipe to share it with you at a later date. I got to spend time with adorable kids and get lots of sticky hugs and kisses. I got to wish my oldest niece a happy 17th birthday (which was bittersweet all on it's own, where did my little girl who hid under the table eating cookies go and who is this young woman who took her place!?!?).
I had fun, but my heart could not ignore the fact that someone was missing.
To make it even harder, today is the anniversary of the day that Tango went into the emergency clinic. Tonight around 3am will be the anniversary of his death. My heart is breaking all over again just thinking about him. If you are new to this blog, Tango was the best little dog in the world. He WAS my world. You can read about his passing and the impact it had on me here. You can see 5 awesome photos of him here.
I made the decision to see a grief counselor to help me learn how to cope with my mom's death. She told me that grief is like waves, some waves are bigger than others, but that doesn't mean we have to drown. She also reminded me that waves come in, but then they go out. Sometimes they are big, and sometimes they are small. I realized that waves even if they are tiny, always hit the shore, so the grief will never go away, but at some point it will be managable. Well, today was like a tsunami. I wasn't quite sure I was going to get through it, but like everything else in life, it too shall pass. I just hope the "sea" is calmer tomorrow, because treading water is getting exhausting.
It's so easy to sit around and feel sorry for yourself. To sit and say "oh my, I'm so tired, work is kicking my butt, I have no time for my friends, I have no time to cook, I have no time to go see my mom. Wah, whoa is me"
I would like to take a minute and say that I am truly blessed.
2010 was a really hard year for me. My mom's cancer, losing my job, losing Tango, family drama, dealing with fibromyalgia... you name it, it sucked.
I really let it get to me. I got to the point where I just couldn't take any more, had a major panic attack and almost ended up back in the hospital because of it.
2011 is going to be different. My mom still has cancer, I still miss Tango, and I'm still bitter about what happened at my last job. The difference will be with me, and how I respond and react to my life. 2011 is going to be about positive attitudes.
Thank God, I have a job.
Thank God, I have friends. Great friends. This might be the first time in my life when I can actually say that and mean it.
Thank God, I have food in my fridge and do not need to go hungry.
Thank God, my mom is still here. I am so grateful for every minute that God gives me with her.
Thank God, I have family that loves me. Drama or not, I never have to question whether I am loved.
Thank God for my daddy. He is my rock.
Thank God for giving me the years I had with Tango. For letting me help him know what it felt like to be loved. For giving me a little ball of unconditional love in return. For teaching me patience. For bringing me to a point in my life where I would get Jasmine.
Thank God for Jasmine. Without her, I may never have gotten out of my funk last year. She has given me a reason to get out of bed every morning.
Thank God for Petey and Bella and McDuff. My children. Fur, or feathers, paws, or claws, my loves.
Thank God, for Disney World. For at least 8 days a year I get to just be. I get to live in my fantasy land, and be the Princess I know I am, see the world, and be a kid again.
Thank God for my amazing husband, who can always make me laugh, and makes me feel like a princess every single day.
What are you thankful for? Do you think your attitude can impact your future?
First, seeing as though my follower count has gone down here as well as on twitter, I once again want to thank those of you who have stood by me in these trying times.
Now, let's move forward and see what happens, enjoy the rest of the ride folks...
My life seems to be changing very quickly. My head is spinning, it's all a little overwhelming, okay, a LOT overwhelming for for a change, some of it is actually good.
As you know I was told a few weeks ago that I would be out of a job come September. 2 weeks ago I had an interview at a local upscale bridal salon, a week later I was offered the job. It's official, and I start September 13th. This is awesome. The wedding industry is something I have always had an interest in but had no idea how to really break in. I began to start my own wedding planning business with my cousin and we'll continue to work on that in the future, but for now this is a great step. It's not glamorous, it's emails and behind the scenes kind of things, but every day I'll get to look at gorgeous gowns and know that somehow I'm helping someone feel like a princess. I'm very excited about this.
Tango... my heart and soul aches for him all day, every day. I can't believe he's been gone for a week already. The only time I found the air to fill my lungs and the ability to stop crying was when a man handed me a tiny puppy and told me to just play with her, to find a release, to cry, to laugh, to heal. The next night, Lord Hill surprised me with her with a little red bow tied around her neck. I did not expect to be one of those people who got another pet right away. In fact, over the years I always silently judged the people who did. It wasn't until I felt a darkness, a pain, so intense, a hole that needed to be filled that I understood why/how they did what they did.
She will never take the place of my Tango. He was the light, my baby, my world. She is not here to fill his place, to replace him or even completely seal the whole that he left in my heart the night he was taken from me. She is simply here to love me, and to give me something to love.
This is my new baby girl....
I've been missing for a while...so tell me, what's new in your life?
Tango passed away this weekend.
We brought him to the vet for a pretty standard visit, he had a recurring back problem and we just needed to get meds for him.
Things quickly went down hill.
He started having seizures and within less than 24 hours my precious baby, the center of my world, was taken from me.
I don't understand how the world is still here. How everything keeps going without him. I cannot understand, how I am supposed to find air without him.
It was almost exactly 2 years to the day we got him. He was only 5 years.
It is not fair.
I am angry. I am sad, I am lonely and incomplete without him.
I wanted to post a picture of him, but I just can't go through them right now. See one of my latest Friday 5's for 5 of my favorite photos of him. He was/is the best dog ever in the whole world and nothing will ever be the same again.
Things you need to take to the Hamptons: (can you guess what I'm doing this weekend?)
1. A fabulous "Hamptons Hat" This is mine...
2. Big sunglasses. Again, depending on where you are, designers matter.
Here is me rocking both... 3. A big purse. Depending on the Hampton your in, designer matters. This is mine.
4. Suntan Lotion
5. Your doggy!
This is Tango and I on our way home from the Hamptons. Stuck in traffic that did not move for miles.
These pictures still aren't great and don't do the Freds justice but I just couldn't wait any longer to show them off.
They are so cute!
They have gotten even bigger since these photos were taken, they still aren't big at all, but I'm so surprised at how much they grow over night!
This is "Big Fred" he's my favorite but don't tell the others. He has been the biggest since the day I got them. He does not have a 10x on him, it's a reflection of my camera lol.
This is Big Fred with everyone else in the corner. Baby Fred is the orange and white one in the background. He is my second favorite. Again, don't tell the rest of the Freds.
This is Baby Fred (bottom right) and Big White Fred (top left)
This is Big Fred and his buddy Fred. They hang out a lot.
Big White Fred
Big Fred, Big White Fred, Fred (might actually be little Orange Fred), Little White Fred
The three big guys like to hang out together..
Big White Fred is obsessed with the bubbles.
Doesn't Baby Fred have gorgeous coloring??
The gang..
and pics of Tango b/c otherwise he'd get jealous...
Big White Fred came over to say hi after Tango pushed his nose on the glass. This surprised Tango.
But it encouraged everyone else to come say Hi too..
So, I've been missing. Hopefully you all noticed and have been sad (but not TOO sad) about this and have been eagerly awaiting my return. I know it's only been two days, but I'm just so awesome that it's okay to admit that you've been experiencing withdrawl.
Let me show you WHY I have been missing.
By now most of you should know the little white adorable doggy is Tango. He is staring at a fishtank. The fish tank is new and it is where Fred lives.
Have I mentioned Fred yet on this blog? I feel like I haven't but I have the memory of a goldfish (no pun intended) so it's quite possible. Either way I have some new followers (Hi new followers! Thanks for helping me get to and above my goal of 200!) so I shall tell the story.
As mentioned in this post my town had a celebration for the 100th anniversary of our fire department. This celebration included a carnival where they had the obligatory "throw a ping pong ball win a goldfish" game. Lord Hill was whining begging to play the whole weekend but I kept reminding him that we had no room for a fish and it was silly to spend $5 on a 12 cent fish. On the very last night of the carnival we were walking out as everything was being shut down and I jokingly said "now I want a fish" as we walked passed the fish booth. The girl heard me, called me over, and handed me a bag. Sweet! Free fish. Well, Lord Hill asked if they take the fish with them to the next town and the girl said "No. We 'get rid of them' " in a tone that let us know exactly what that meant. I was so upset. I looked at the bag and realized I had more than one fish and was happy to give the two a home.
Well, I cannot count/see in the dark. There were 1...2...3...4...5..6..7. 7 goldfish. *insert the Count from Sesame Street's laugh here)
I have spent the past 10 days doing everything in my power to help keep these guys alive. There were about 6 trips to Petsmart, 4 to Petco, 1 to three other petshops, and a new membership to Aquarium Adventure.
I am exhausted and stressed and thrilled.
I love my fishies but as any new mom can tell you, babies take a lot out of you and MAN am I tired!
I have named them all Fred. It's been 10 days and all of the Freds are doing well. They were upgraded to a new home last night and seem to be thriving in their new enviornment. The tiniest ones have already doubled in size and the larger ones are getting bigger every day. Be prepared for lots of posts about this new adventure we're all on!
Have you ever won a fish at a carnival? Knowing that they just throw the left over fish out at the end of each carnival and get new fish at the next town, do you think you'll continue to support the game?
This week's theme is 5 things that made me happy this week.
Meeting up with a friend I met online and taking awesome photos at Sands Point. I will post my photos in a separate post but here is a photo she took of me. I kind of love it. I never like pictures of my face but this one I'm really digging.
Tango finally made friends with our friend Nik. Nik was the best man at my wedding but Tango has thought he's anything BUT the best since he first met him. They got off on the wrong foot but now that Nik is home from gradschool and has spent more time around the apartment Tango has decided he's acceptable.
I cooked my "famous" Sausage and Peppers tonight. It was the first time I cooked dinner for anyone other than Lord Hill. Nik is a bit of a foodie and is critical of the food everywhere we go so I was super nervous. When I walked to the table with our serving Nik was almost done with his and he says "it's sooo good" with kind of a purr in his voice. I was on cloud 9. It was even better when he went and got seconds. Thumbs up for me! Go HERE for the recipe.
My Disney Pin wall has been reorganized and looks fabulous!
Tango gets very excited when he sees his mommy pull out her fancy camera. He immediately remembers the "sit" "stay" "laydown" "noooo" and other commands he was taught when he first came to live with us. He adores his puppy photoshoots and being the center of attention. HOWEVER this photo was not part of a photo session. Miss Bunny was a gift from Lord Hill back in the day and I will admit that there are nights where I do sleep with her. She's the perfect size and shape to hug when a nightmare has hit or when my back is spasming. She's great for when you have a horrible bronchitis type cough or when you just need something to cry into. Tango is usually quite jealous of Miss Bunny and pushes her out of the bed. I went into the bedroom to put my pj's on and what did I find?! Tango snuggling with Miss Bunny. I knew then and there it was time for everyone to go to bed, but first a quick photo. The rest of the photos before the Trendy Treehouse button were taken as part of one of his photo shoots specifically for Shutter Love Tuesday however I am not entering them. The best moments caught on "film" are the ones we don't plan for.
