Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Transformation Tuesday - Week 1

My friends and family know that I LOVE social media. I love it. It gives me a chance to show the world the me that I see. I get to edit my life into a story that reflects what I want the world to see while allowing me to see the world of others that they want me to see. It's all very carefully crafted whether most people wish to admit it or not. This is not to say that I only show my good side, far from it. Some days I am overly dramatic because I need the internet to give me a big old hug and tell me that I'm special. It happens. If I didn't want attention I wouldn't have a facebook, twitter, instagram, or this blog. 

The thing is though over the past few months I have realized that the editing I've been doing hasn't been because I don't want the rest of the world to see me a certain way. It's because I didn't like seeing me a certain way. I was embarassed, or despressed, or something... I don't know. But I wasn't hiding from YOU. I was hiding from me. 

I've been using the transformation Tuesday hashtag for months now. "Well then Lady Hill," you may ask,  "why are you calling this post Week 1?"

This is week one of my mental and emotional transformation not just the physical.
As the weight came off you'd think I would be able to see it. You'd think that I felt good or sexy or at least empowered. I haven't. I still see the same "fat girl" I've been seeing for the past few years. 

I took a chance. I decided to step out of my comfort zone and purchase a new bathing suit. It's the first 2 piece bathing suit I have owned since I was 21 years old.
It's cute right??

While I may not be at the point of being comfortable enough to post photos of me in it on the internet, I was comfortable enough to wear it out of the fitting room and into the middle of Nordstrom to show Lord Hill how it fit. I took that as a sign to mean it was meant to be and realized just how far I had come physically and emotionally over the last 6 months. 

We were cleaning out our bedroom and donating clothes and it was so amazing to be able to donate clothing that didn't fit because it was too big. I decided to hold on to 2 pairs of shorts because I don't really own others and they had fit in Disney back in January. Well, it was hot the other day so I decided to put a pair on. It fell right off! I tried on the second pair and they were huge too.

I couldn't find a photo of me wearing them in January since I spent most of that trip in bed with the Flu (blech) but this is me wearing the shorts in 2011 next to a photo of me wearing them this week.
This is the photo from my previous blog post. I know not all of you follow me on instagram.

If you don't already follow me on instagram, you should. Go find @ladyhill and show me some love.


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