"I can't sleep. That's a lie, I fell asleep but awoke startled and can't fall back asleep. I keep thinking the phone is going to ring. Worst phone call ever. You'd think I'd be able to trick my brain by now but nope. 3 years after the fact and I am still fearing it. Sometimes I forget the call came, sometimes I pick up the phone to call her. Sometimes I pick something out in the store for her bc it would make her smile but instead it makes me cry. Three years of guilt, three years of anxiety, three years of a heartache my words will never give justice to. Three years that have flown by and yet they've taken an eternity. Three years Does this ever get easier?."
This is my facebook status from last night. Or early this morning I guess is more accurate since it was posted at 4AM.
While I don't think it will ever get BETTER, I can say that my "new normal" has changed yet again and that some days have gotten easier than they were before.
Running has definitely taken my life in a new direction. It's become a type of therapy for me.
This weekend I dedicated my miles to my mom.
I wound up running my fastest mile one day and my fastest 5K the next.
Whatever you do in life, just keep moving forward and remember that you're looking for progress, not perfection.
These mantras have become part of my new normal, and running has too. I run for those who can't, including my mom.