Chachacha Changes.....

First, seeing as though my follower count has gone down here as well as on twitter, I once again want to thank those of you who have stood by me in these trying times.

Now, let's move forward and see what happens, enjoy the rest of the ride folks...

My life seems to be changing very quickly. My head is spinning, it's all a little overwhelming, okay, a LOT overwhelming for for a change, some of it is actually good.

As you know I was told a few weeks ago that I would be out of a job come September. 2 weeks ago I had an interview at a local upscale bridal salon, a week later I was offered the job. It's official, and I start September 13th. This is awesome. The wedding industry is something I have always had an interest in but had no idea how to really break in. I began to start my own wedding planning business with my cousin and we'll continue to work on that in the future, but for now this is a great step. It's not glamorous, it's emails and behind the scenes kind of things, but every day I'll get to look at gorgeous gowns and know that somehow I'm helping someone feel like a princess. I'm very excited about this.

Tango... my heart and soul aches for him all day, every day. I can't believe he's been gone for a week already. The only time I found the air to fill my lungs and the ability to stop crying was when a man handed me a tiny puppy and told me to just play with her, to find a release, to cry, to laugh, to heal. The next night, Lord Hill surprised me with her with a little red bow tied around her neck. I did not expect to be one of those people who got another pet right away. In fact, over the years I always silently judged the people who did. It wasn't until I felt a darkness, a pain, so intense, a hole that needed to be filled that I understood why/how they did what they did.
She will never take the place of my Tango. He was the light, my baby, my world. She is not here to fill his place, to replace him or even completely seal the whole that he left in my heart the night he was taken from me. She is simply here to love me, and to give me something to love.

This is my new baby girl....

I've been missing for a while...so tell me, what's new in your life?

Thank you

I need to take a few minutes to thank all of you so very much for all of your kind words and support through this difficult time.

I will be posting an update on everything soon. I just need a few days. Everything is happening so fast.... I just need time.

I'm sorry, but I will not be replying to each comment received on my last post. I tried, and it just hurt too much. Perhaps over time the words will come to me, but until then, I hope this thank you is enough.

The hardest thing I've ever had to do....

Tango passed away this weekend.
We brought him to the vet for a pretty standard visit, he had a recurring back problem and we just needed to get meds for him.
Things quickly went down hill.
He started having seizures and within less than 24 hours my precious baby, the center of my world, was taken from me.

I don't understand how the world is still here. How everything keeps going without him. I cannot understand, how I am supposed to find air without him.

It was almost exactly 2 years to the day we got him. He was only 5 years.
It is not fair.
I am angry. I am sad, I am lonely and incomplete without him.

I wanted to post a picture of him, but I just can't go through them right now. See one of my latest Friday 5's for 5 of my favorite photos of him. He was/is the best dog ever in the whole world and nothing will ever be the same again.

Awards always bring a smile to my face.

I got an award! A Daily Scoop of Chaos came from Cori at Cori's Big Mouth.   Thanks Cori you really lifted my spirits.

Cori’s Questions About Me:

1. What is your signature color? It used to be black, for sure. Then it was red, then it was blue. I think my highschool yearbook has "blue" listed as a nickname for me actually... then it was purple, and now it's probably a crystal/light blue. Every since my wedding I have been obsessed with this color.

2. Your most embarrassing moment? I have way too many to list. One of the most vivid ones was in junior high, I was walking up or down the stairs on the stage to do class pictures or something when I tripped an fell and the boy I'd had a crush on since I was old enough to crush on boys yelled "Nice one slick!" he called me Slick for years after that.

3. Would you ever get anything pierced other than your ears? Oh yes. I just took my bellybutton ring out not that long ago, although maybe it's been a few years at this point. I also had my lip pierced and I miss that piercing all the time. 

4. Are you a social butterfly or a homebody? I prefer staying home with my dog, kitties, and hubby over going out. I used to be the exact opposite and would do anything and hang out with anyone just to be out. I guess I got old.

5. Are you done having babies or do you want more? I only have "furbabies" even though some have feathers and some have fins, but I definitely want more of them. I'm good with my zero  human babies.

6. Are you loyal to your hairstylist or are do you tryout every salon in town? I only get my haircut on an impulse so I'm always going to the closest "salon" to wherever I am when the need strikes me. Usually it's a lemon tree and I wind up hating it lol

7. How many times have you moved in your life? Hmmm... Twice by the time I was 4. Then I went away to college, then I came back home, then I spent the summer in MA then I came back home, then I moved in with Lord Hill and his mom and niece but that was by accident, and then I moved into our apartment. I'm not sure how many of those count, especially since most of my stuff is still at my parents' house.

8. If you could plan your dream vacation with just you and your love where would it be? I am obsessed with Disney, but I think my dream vacation would be a combination of Alaska and Canada and be at least 14 days.

8 bloggers I'm giving this award to:

JaMonkey
Who Bakes Cupcakes
Harriet and Friends
Color Me UnTypical
Jessie Lynn Smith

Jenna Domingo
The Very Best Housewife

Hearts Make Families

Think-About Thursday 08-19-10

I know I haven't been around much and for that I appologize. I thank you all for sticking around and for all the words of encouragement lately.

I had 2 job interviews next week and a potential part time free lance gig in the works... hopefully something happens soon b/c I'm starting to panic with only 3 or 5 paid work days left before I am out of a job.

Most of you know my mother has been fighting cancer the past few months. Please continue to keep her in your prayers.

I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, okay a LOT overwhelmed right now and I will try to keep up with my blog as best as I can. This blog has become so important to me and I have no intentions of taking a full break from blogging or anything like that, I just can't promise daily funny posts right now. I hope you'll stay and come on this leg of the journey with me.

Monday Minute 8-16-10

This upcoming Monday Minute is co-hosted by the Anywhoodle NOLA Queen, Kimber!  She wrote all five questions.  {Word}

If you could have plastic surgery, would you? If so, what would you get done?
I'd like to get my boobs done, my nose fixed and a tummy tuck, but even if someone said they'd do it for free, I doubt I would actually go through with it.

What laws have you broken?
Innocent until proven guilty...

What is your quirkiest habit?
Oh boy, I prob have too many to list. I have O.C.D so I have a lot of quirky habits. I eat food in special order, I won't step on cracks, I count how many steps I take, the tv volume has to be either an even number or a multiple of 5...

If you only had 3 songs to listen to for the rest of your life what would they be?
Crazy Game of Poker by OAR
Lullabye by Billy Joel
Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
and finally...

How often do you have sex?A lady doesn't kiss and tell.

Winner!

Congratulations to Hannah who won my first giveaway!
She said... "like" you on facebook (hannah kn..)

 Winner has been contacted by email and has 48 hours to respond. If I do not hear from the winner, a new winner will be chosen at random.

Thanks to everyone who participated!

Friday 5! - Cute Doggy Edition!

5 random photos of Tango:

PS:
It's Friday the 13th. If a man in a hockey mask comes chasing after you, RUN.

Think-About Thursday 08-12-10

"Everything is (going to be) okay."

How often do you hear these words?

How often do you say them?

How often do you believe them?

As someone with severe anxiety I say this phrase to myself several times a day without even realizing it.  I start almost every morning getting out of bed with a quick pulse, a slight feeling of doom, and the words "everything is okay" mumbling out of my mouth. (yes, I said slight feeling of doom, b/c DOOM has various degrees in my world.)

My husband will say "everything is fine" or "you're fine, everything is okay, stop worrying" at least a few times a week. He really is so incredibly patient with my psychosis. 

While I always "know" that the statement is true, I don't always believe it. Whether it'd mid panic attack, or the first few times I said, or someone said them to me last week after I lost my job... I know it's right, b/c let's face it, everything HAS to be okay, and so it will be. My friend Sara reminded me of that very thing today. She didn't try to sugar coat anything. She said, " calm down, have some tea, everything will be okay, it has to be, so it will be"

That immediately set me at ease. I don't know why, but for the first time in ages I actually believed it when I heard/read it. I took that moment to say, "You're right. Everything IS okay, I WILL be fine."

I marched into my interview today, head held high, palms sweaty, but I did not stutter, I did not hesitate and I had no fear. No matter what the outcome, it didn't matter, everything would be okay.

It was almost like a lucid dream. I couldn't control how others around me acted, but I could control myself and my actions and for a few minutes anyway, my emotions.

It felt good. 

So, for those of you who are out there and are struggling, or in fear, let me tell you that I believe this with my heart and soul, WE will okay. Everything WILL be okay. Life is good. It's not boring, it's complicated, it's hard, and a struggle, but we don't have to be afraid. 

I'm sure this feeling will be short lived, but that's okay too. That's why I'm writing about it, so that I can come back and read this and remember what it felt like to be anxiety free for a few hours. 

When was the last time you said "Everything will be okay."? 

Did you mean it?

Work Search Wednesday 8-11-10

Like the new twist? I thought so. I have not worked out this week. I have however spent quite a bit of time looking for a new job.
I have an interview tomorrow at a local museum and an interview on Monday at a well known, high end bridal boutique. I'm excited about both opportunities.

I got my eyebrows threaded today in preperation. That deserves it's own post though.

The story of the disgruntled flight attendant really hit home and highlighted how important it is to enjoy what you do. While I think it was silly to do what he did I totally get why he did it.

What has been your least favorite job? Do you have an interesting "I quit!" story?

To-Do Tuesday 8-10-10

1. Prepare for interview Thursday
2. Get eyebrows threaded
3. Do nails
4. Put together references
5. Find interview outfit. 

Learning to grow by letting go

Something you may not know about me is that I am very big into horoscopes and fortune telling. I'm very sensitive when it comes to the paranormal and I find comfort in the stars.

I have been very stressed about my job situation, obviously, but now, I'm feeling a bit better. I read every horoscope I could find for the month, did a quick card reading for myself, and had some very telling dreams. Everything basically pointed in the following direction and if I had looked at it sooner I wouldn't have been caught so off gaurd....

August Horoscope 2010 - Sagittarius
For What it's Worth

Phase one of the great planetary transformation that started in the fall of 2008 is over, and now we're off on phase two. The onset of radical Uranus' opposition to strict Saturn came with the collapse of financial institutions that still has us reeling, as this aspect just ended last month. But now Jupiter and Pluto join the party to heat up rhetoric, cast thick fingers of blame or, hopefully, lead to real reform for individuals and organizations. On August 3, inflationary Jupiter's tense square to potent Pluto opens eyes wide to abuses and corruption. Yet, the individual work we face is to question our beliefs while recognizing that accommodating other points of view, even ones we hate, is a key to human survival.

Aggressive Mars joins with Jupiter and Pluto on August 4 to intensify emotions with feelings of urgency and an inclination to fight. But, as usual, the enemy is us; our fears and prejudices, anger and frustration are not meant to fuel fights against others, but to motivate individuals to clean up their own lives. If you're willing to make major changes in behavior, this is a great time to do it.

Courage and creativity are keys to pulling us out of the shadows, shining new lights of potential on our lives. The New Moon in expressive Leo on August 9 plants seeds of leadership in everyone. It is time to be heroic by acting with love and generosity when time, money or energy are in short supply. Tapping into the nobility in our hearts brings out the confident side of ourselves and increases our capacity to solve problems.
August 16 brings a reality check as pragmatic Saturn opposes hopeful Jupiter. It's time to take a good hard look at goals to see if they're off track or impossible to reach. Making adjustments to overcome short-term problems is worth the effort, so patience is recommended.

Mental Mercury turns retrograde on August 20, beginning its three-week backwards period when extra attention to details and communication is vital. Mix-ups with messages and difficulties with equipment and travel can be avoided by double checking details and tying up loose ends.

Sober Saturn's stressful 90-degree square to Pluto on August 21 reinforces the seriousness of these times and the necessity to recognize where holding on to a person, practice, job or attitude costs more than it's worth. Learning to grow by letting go isn't an easy lesson, but can be a very rewarding one.

Tuesday Blog Hops!

Trendy Treehouse Shutter Love Tuesday - "Vacations"

Hear No Evil, See No Evil, Speak No Evil

Monday Minute 8-09-10

This week's Monday Minute co-host is Kendra from Baby Bits.  She wrote all five questions this week and she rules.  It's that simple.


What was your "oh no, I'm turning into my Mom/Dad" moment?
I made a comment about politics that 6 years ago never would have come out of my mouth. My hippie, tree hugging, war protesting self made a pro-republican statement that I KNOW my father must have put in my brain. It was a crazy moment that shook me to the core.

What current commercial do you find the most annoying/funny?
My favorite funny yet annoying commercial right now is the Quizno's commercial with the singing kittens. 5, 4, 3... I could sing it all day.

If you could only eat one color food for the rest of your life what would it be?
Brown. Pot roast is brown, gravy is brown, beef is brown, fried breadcrumbs are brown, cookies are brown... all the best foods are brown.

What is your current facebook/twitter/myspace status? 
Twitter: I am obsessed with all things #Disney Who should I follow on twitter? Who's blogs should I follow? Help me get my next fix!
Facebook: trying not to get excited or get her hopes up but it's really hard. Please send lots of lucky good vibes this way!

F, Marry, Kill from this list below.  Women pick from the men, men pick from the women.
I have chosen to break the rules and do the list of women... b/c I would kill all of the men.

• Snookie (from Jersey Shore) KILL, Ellen DeGeneres Marry, Betty White F
• Regis Philbin, Justin Bieber, Perez Hilton