"Everything is (going to be) okay."
How often do you hear these words?
How often do you say them?
How often do you believe them?
As someone with severe anxiety I say this phrase to myself several times a day without even realizing it. I start almost every morning getting out of bed with a quick pulse, a slight feeling of doom, and the words "everything is okay" mumbling out of my mouth. (yes, I said slight feeling of doom, b/c DOOM has various degrees in my world.)
My husband will say "everything is fine" or "you're fine, everything is okay, stop worrying" at least a few times a week. He really is so incredibly patient with my psychosis.
While I always "know" that the statement is true, I don't always believe it. Whether it'd mid panic attack, or the first few times I said, or someone said them to me last week after I lost my job... I know it's right, b/c let's face it, everything HAS to be okay, and so it will be. My friend Sara reminded me of that very thing today. She didn't try to sugar coat anything. She said, " calm down, have some tea, everything will be okay, it has to be, so it will be"
That immediately set me at ease. I don't know why, but for the first time in ages I actually believed it when I heard/read it. I took that moment to say, "You're right. Everything IS okay, I WILL be fine."
I marched into my interview today, head held high, palms sweaty, but I did not stutter, I did not hesitate and I had no fear. No matter what the outcome, it didn't matter, everything would be okay.
It was almost like a lucid dream. I couldn't control how others around me acted, but I could control myself and my actions and for a few minutes anyway, my emotions.
It felt good.
So, for those of you who are out there and are struggling, or in fear, let me tell you that I believe this with my heart and soul, WE will okay. Everything WILL be okay. Life is good. It's not boring, it's complicated, it's hard, and a struggle, but we don't have to be afraid.
I'm sure this feeling will be short lived, but that's okay too. That's why I'm writing about it, so that I can come back and read this and remember what it felt like to be anxiety free for a few hours.
When was the last time you said "Everything will be okay."?
Did you mean it?